Perhaps the single most destructive element in intimate relating is the buildup, over time, of unresolved hurts, resentments and fears. These withheld communications eventually form a wall between partners and “fix” our loved ones into a certain position in our minds. We then begin to relate through these filters as if they were reality. The result is we and our partners feel unheard and unseen, and distance and bitterness replace intimacy and sweetness. The full expression and hearing of what has been withheld allows a space to be cleared for us to recapture the connection and free our partners, and ourselves, from the imprisonment of these illusions. This enables us to effectively deal with differences that arise before they turn into problems.

Withheld communication creates stagnation and energetic drain in relationship. The symptoms of this may include:
– Increasing attempts to dialogue that turn into arguments
– Persistent arguments over the same issue that do not result in resolution
– Formation of polarities such as “I’m right – you’re wrong”
– Increasing perception of the partner as enemy
– Loss of tenderness, appreciation, and sexual connection

As withheld communication is expressed, there is an energetic opening in the relationship. As the partners experience being heard and received, defensive positions relax. When everything is out in the open, we see more clearly what the real issues are, and what will be required from each partner to take the relationship to the next level.

If you and your partner are stuck, or wanting to break cleanly, or good and want to get better, this work can be a powerful aid.

The process begins with a brief individual interview with each participant. This usually lasts 15-30 minutes and can be done by telephone. Next, each participant is given a written assignment to complete. Then we meet together for an intensive session – 2-3 hours is average. Often a one-hour follow up session is recommended two weeks later. FEES: $120 per hour, including interview time.